UP!!!
I have had a very difficult time Giving it all to God! But I can no longer go on like this. The stress, the worrying, the frustration, the whys, the sadness, the confusion...I can't do it anymore. I am so tired of being tired because I cannot sleep at night! My Mom has always told me that I cannot carry every one's burden's and she is so right. My shoulder's are tired b/c I've tried to carry all, do all and I am done.
So PLEASE...All my Prayer Warriors out there! Keep me and my family in your prayers. We have a lot of sickness going on. I have a very sick Grandma, Chris's Aunt Lucille has terminal cancer and is in Hospice, another Aunt who is not doing great and much more worries!
I don't know if you can remember back. But on 1/1/08 which was 1 day before Oaklee's 1st birthday we went to get his pictures taken. I was so excited and couldn't believe that my little man was going to be 1 etc. When we were at PI waiting for our pictures to be taken I noticed a very large lump on Oaklee's neck. I checked it and realized that there is actually more than 1. So I immediately called his pediatrician and they slightly calmed my nerves with an, "Oh well it's just probably a swollen lymph node, b/c he's trying to fight off an infection!" So I went w/that until a couple months later and they NEVER went away. We went to the doctor several times over these things b/c they were large and slightly painful. I didn't get the answers I wanted so Chris and I searched and found an awesome Pediatric Surgeon at Children's. We went to Dr. M in July 2008 and he put our nerves slightly at ease once again by saying they were "Small" and normal. However he said if more show up and if they never go aways then we needed to come back in and he would more than likely biopsy them. Well they NEVER went away and so many people have said don't worry, it's normal, no big deal, my kids had those, etc. But come on, when my child has a lump in his neck that is very visible how in the heck am I not supposed to be concerned or worried, right? So I prayed and tried to let it go and I did for awhile. I just didn't even touch the lumps, until Oaklee turned his head a week or so ago and I saw lumps EVERYWHERE! Now this makes me sick, scared to death, worried, frustrated, and I want answers. SO needless to say his "swollen lymph nodes" that are NORMAL to every doctor out there have now spread to his collar bone area, behind the ears, at the base of his neck, and there is even one on his head, which is not a good sign at all. We all know what lumps mean, the scare the bring, and I have researched and researched until I cannot stand to look at a computer. I called Dr. M again and they are seeing him on Sept. 16 at 9:30 a.m. I am worried but cannot wait for that day to get here. I never want to put my child under or through any unnecessary trauma but we need answers. This is not at all normal and if this is not Cancer then he has a major endocrinology issue. I am worried and will probably blame myself if this turns out bad but I have to have faith and know that my God is with me.
Oaklee is my life, my air, my world and I love him to pieces. Chris and I are so lucky to have such an amazing little man to call all ours. He is an answer to many prayers and I thank God daily for this miracle!
On top of all of this throughout the summer I didn't take care of myself at all. Every time we went out I wore bad flip flops. All throughout San Antonio, the Riverwalk, Sea World, St. Louis, etc. I wore bad shoes and I am now paying a huge price for it. I had some major pain in my feet and legs, went to the doctor just before school went back in session and I was told that I have almost torn my Achilles tendon. He put me on some medicine and told me to ice it frequently, and to wear Tennis Shoes at all times. So I have done everything exactly right w/no relief at all. I am actually almost to the point that I cannot walk. I hurt very bad!!!
So w/all of this being said, Please keep our family and our families health in your prayers, we surely need it!
With Love ~ CLO
My Little Angel
